"Brooklyn's Finest" »

Silver Bullet

THE VINEYARD FISH: Silver Bullet

An original screenplay by The Vineyard Fish

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The opening screen appears black. The camera zooms out and pans up from the dark water to reveal a nightscape of the Golden Gate Bridge and the San Francisco skyline beyond it. Flying into the screen is a helicopter with a crest on the fuselage that indicates it is The Wine Spies.

The camera cuts to within the helicopter where Agent Red and Agent White sit in black suits, white shirts, and solid ties that match their namesake. Both wear headsets.

AGENT RED: El Jefe Twisted will be pleased when we report that The Bullet is back on the market....

Agent white nods his head in agreement.

AGENT WHITE: You're sure "The Fish" will be at this party and not at his house?

AGENT RED: I'm sure. He’s on the invitation list and everyone knows he doesn't miss parties of this caliber.

Camera cuts to the living room of a Victorian townhouse. The Vineyard Fish, wearing a tuxedo, sits on a well stuffed couch framed by a bay window. Daft Punk “Alive 2007” plays in an adjacent room but is audible. On a table in front of him sits a bottle of 1990 Bollinger Champagne. The Vineyard Fish opens it carefully and slowly pours a little into a flute.

Leaning back into the couch he admires the bubbles as they rise through the deep, golden liquid. As if startled he looks up suddenly.

The camera cuts to a reverse angle. Ludmilla Myslíkova, a beautiful young woman, stands dressed in a striking strapless black dress under the door frame putting on a pair of earrings.

LM: Is that the 1990?

Camera cuts to new angle from the corner of the room that captures them both in the same frame.

TVF: It is. My last bottle......perhaps the last bottle on this planet (smirking). Seriously though, there can't be too many ou there.

LM: May I have some?

TVF: I suppose.

The Vineyard Fish leans forward and pours a second glass.

LM: Thank you...(coyly)

Ludmilla takes the glass to her lips for a sip.

LM: Wow...

TVF: Good?

She nods affirmatively and smiles as if still focused on the wonderfully rich finish.

The Vineyard Fish takes a sip as well and holds it in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing.

TVF: Not bad huh? (smiling) (Pause). Rich, round, complex, with a beautifully long finish. (Pause) Almost twenty years it’s been waiting there patiently, quietly. (Pause) This may be the best champagne I’ve ever had.

The Vineyard Fish looks shocked that he said it but at the same time appears confident he may have spoken the truth.

LM: Glad you like it. I’ll be back to enjoy it with you but I have to finish getting ready.

Ludmilla exits.

TVF: Milla!?

LM: Yes? (popping her head back into the door frame)

TVF: Did William stop by earlier today?

LM: Yes. And Krazy Karl was with him. They said you had asked them to pick something up....

TVF: Ok good. Thanks. Would you mind turning up the heat on those tunes?

Ludmilla nods and exits.

The intro to Around the World / Harder Better Faster Stronger becomes noticeably louder.

TVF: Perfect. Thanks. (LM does not hear him)

Taking another sip he leans back into the couch and closes his eyes.

The camera cuts to an outside view of the house as a helicopter approaches and two silhouettes prepare to descend a wire to the rooftop patio of The Vineyard Fish’s house.

The camera cuts again to two gentleman in casual dress opening a silver, bullet shaped, case to reveal a custom label magnum of 1999 Bollinger Champagne. The two men take a moment to admire it.

WILLIAM: Do you know what he paid for this thing?

KRAZY KARL: No idea—said it was one-of-a-kind. I better be around when he opens it.

As if sensing they might have opened it for too long, they quickly push the bottle back into the bullet and place it in the wood casing. The camera zooms out as the two men carry the box onto a private jet.

The camera cuts back to The Vineyard Fish resting peaceably on his couch with the glass of Champagne in his hands. Music still plays loudly.

Suddenly from the other room a series of crashing noises can be heard and Ludmilla begins screaming. The Vineyard Fish reaches towards his breast to grab his gun.

Camera cuts to doorway where Agent Red has a gun to Ludmilla’s head. Agent White stands next to him and all three move slowly into the room.

AGENT RED: Not so fast FISH.

Camera cuts to an angle that captures all parties.

The Vineyard Fish takes his hand away from his breast with the gun in hand and slowly puts it down on the table. Agent White walks off the screen and the music cuts seconds later. He re-enters.

TVF: I rather liked that song...(serious—staring at Agent White)

AGENT RED: Just show us where the Bullet is and nobody gets hurt.

TVF: The Bullet? Is that what you’ve interrupted my New Year’s Eve for? (The Vineyard Fish begins laughing) You’re here for The Bullet huh? (still laughing but then becoming quickly serious again).

AGENT WHITE: That’s right.

TVF: Well....unfortunately...the Bullet...is not here. (smiling)

AGENT RED: Then you’ll tell us....(TVF interrupts)

TVF: Did El Jefe Twisted put you up to this? (Pause) Listen, I have a beautiful bottle of 1990 Bollinger right here (picking up the bottle) and it’s a shame it will have to go to waste...

Camera cuts to Agent Red.

AGENT RED: Just tell us wh---

Camera cuts back to an angle just behind the The Vineyard Fish just as he releases the bottle.

Before Agent Red can finish the sentence The Vineyard Fish has stood and hurled the bottle into Agent Red’s stomach knocking the gun away from Ludmilla’s head. Almost at the same time, The Vineyard Fish hurls himself into all three knocking everyone to the ground.

Camera cuts to reverse angle in the hallway as Ludmilla pulls herself to her feet and runs toward the camera. Camera cuts back to behind the pile up.

TVF: GET WINIFRED STARTED! (The Vineyard fish looks down the hall and watches her turn the corner to escape)

Turning back, The Vineyard Fish swats the gun out of Agent Red’s hand sending it sliding across the room. A short but violent scuffle ensures. After being thrown back into the wall the The Vineyard Fish grabs a fire place iron and swings it in defense. The Agents stand back.

TVF: (breathing hard) Tell El Jefe Twisted....if he wanted The Bullet....he should have out bid me (smiling again).

Seizing the moment, he darts down the hall, out the back door and swings himself over the railing of the back porch down a level into the yard. Picking himself up, he sees Ludmilla looking frightened on the back of a black Vespa. Getting on, he twists the handle and they shoot down the back alley.

Camera pans out and around to reveal Agent Red and Agent White running up the fire escape and jumping on the helicopter as it pulls away. Insane helicopter/scooter chase scene ensues through the street of SF. Final shot is of The Vineyard Fish straightening his tux and combing his hair back into place as he walks calmly with Ludmilla into what appears to be a very fancy party.

Screen goes black. “The Vineyard Fish” appears quickly in big blue block letters.

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